


Minefield

by vjs2259



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-09
Updated: 2007-03-09
Packaged: 2018-02-11 20:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2081304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vjs2259/pseuds/vjs2259
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part AU and part gapfiller, covering Z'ha'dum through The Summoning. I've re-written the the reunion scene more times than I care to count. This was my first attempt at it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Minefield

**Part I**

 

Delenn fled down the corridor leading to her quarters in the ambassadorial wing. She felt her shame to be written on her face, obvious to all who passed her by. She had left John's quarters, stumbling, still buckling her outer robe, fleeing before the presence of Anna Sheridan and what she knew would be the inevitable questions from John. How had it come to this? She slowed to a walk to maintain what dignity she had left; to project the facade of being a calm, reasoning being, a representative of her home world to those around her. She felt brittle, as if she would shatter if she touched anything. Without speaking, she nodded to the few acquaintances she saw, looking lost in her thoughts as she picked her way through the minefield of her emotions towards the sanctuary of her rooms.

 

Once there she closed the door, and set the passcode to "no entry". She could see no one right now, and it was late enough that she should have time to…. do what? Meditate? Certainly not sleep. She had glanced at John’s face before she left his room. She could hardly breathe thinking of the pain and confusion in his eyes. It was all her fault. She should have defied Kosh, told John of the possibility Anna was alive. What would he think of her inaction? He would think she did not trust him. Would he think she was selfishly trying to keep him for herself? Think, think--she had to think what to do! There was no one to consult, no one to tell, no one to help her through this. Then another thought hit her like a blow. How would this affect their cause, the preparation for the Great War to come? What had she done? Had she destroyed all their hopes, destroyed the only chance of a Human-Minbari alliance against the Shadows? Her thoughts raced frantically. She had thought she had understood the prophecies. She was to be the bridge between her people and the humans. She and John were; what was it Sebastian had said? "Linked at the hip." The calling of her heart was to his; and she had believed his was to hers. But what if the prophecy meant only a professional alliance? Had she fooled herself into believing that more would be allowed? And had she ruined all their chances by grasping at personal happiness?

 

She decided to try and meditate. She must center herself to see her way clear through the thicket of conflicting demands and desires. She lit a single candle on a low table, knelt on the floor, and began the ritual of calming.

 

*********************************

 

She awoke on the floor, to the sound of her door chime and Lennier's voice requesting entry. She pushed herself to a sitting position, and said "Open" before she was fully awake, and the enormity of last night's events came back to her. Lennier stepped through the doorway to see his mentor, wide-eyed and dishevelled, still in yesterday's clothing, sitting on the floor in front of a gutted candle.

 

"Delenn, are you alright?" Lennier cried, as he rushed to help her up from the floor. "What has happened?"

 

"I am fine, " Delenn replied. "I must have fallen asleep while meditating. It was a…..stressful evening."

 

Lennier knew that Delenn had a late night meeting scheduled with Captain Sheridan. He also had his suspicions that she was planning the sleep-watching ritual. Would it be night one or night two, he wondered? He was uncertain how he felt about her decision to pursue a relationship with an outsider, even it was fated, but pushed those thoughts aside, to consider later. Now he had to deal with whatever had happened to put his normally calm and controlled mentor in such a state.

 

Delenn knew she had to say it aloud, to force herself to say the words, to accustom herself to the thought of…"Anna Sheridan has returned from Z'ha'dhum, Lennier. And I have no idea what to do next."

 

Lennier's mind reeled with the implications of this revelation. He shook himself and said calmly, "Well, I would suggest breakfast to start. Then we will consider your schedule, and see what meetings can be put off or cancelled. Or whether any should be. It must have been quite a shock, " he hesitantly added. "Are you all right?"

 

"Of course I am not all right!" Delenn blazed. Then she visibly controlled herself, and said determinedly, "I must put aside any personal considerations, and think how this will affect our plans. I do not know what she wants. I do not know what she was sent to do."

 

"Was she sent? Is it possible she survived some other way?" asked Lennier. They both knew what he was implying. Had the Enemy sent Anna Sheridan here to upset their plans? Or had she survived some other way, by some miracle to return years later, unscathed, to find her husband and resume her life?

 

"I cannot see how she could have survived the fate of the Icarus, without the intervention of the Shadows. And why would she have not made her survival known before now? How could she have just disappeared, and left him to mourn her death? He was so lonely, so unhappy.." she stopped and took a breath. "But that is unimportant. If she has returned untouched by Shadow, all may yet be well. But if she is an agent of the Enemy, what are we to do?"

 

"Will Captain Sheridan not listen to your advice in this?" asked Lennier.

 

Delenn hung her head. "I….I do not think so," she said softly. "When Kosh and I told the Captain about the coming battle, we told him about Morden…but we did not reveal that there may have been other survivors. Kosh, I think, thought if Sheridan believed there was any possibility that Anna had survived, he would go to Z'ha'dhum to find her, thus revealing our plans to the Shadows. And he would not return. I let myself be persuaded that it was for the best….that Anna had probably died. I have been uneasy about that decision recently….things have changed…." Her voice trailed off.

 

Lennier stared at her in dismay. Delenn could see the disapproval on his face, and it cut her to the bone. "Well, " he began, "I suppose we had better have a look at your schedule…"

 

They arranged to cancel all her meetings except one that could not be put off. It wasn't until afternoon, however, so they went their separate ways and agreed to meet in her quarters for a noontime meal and discuss what their next steps might be. Lennier agreed to find out, discreetly, what had happened with the Captain and Anna. He left Delenn's quarters and went to see Dr. Franklin. As he had supposed, the Captain was there, and his wife was being examined by a team of med-techs. Sheridan looked terrible, almost as bad as Delenn, but Anna Sheridan seemed…happy? No, she seemed pleased, with herself and the situation. Lennier took an instant dislike to her, but had to acknowledge that he would not look with favor on anyone who had made Delenn so unhappy. He spoke with Franklin, but learned little, except that the Captain had asked the doctor to run some tests. Lennier suspected that meant the Captain had doubts as well, but he could not be sure. He tried to locate Mr. Garibaldi, but he was nowhere to be found. Ivanova was busy in C&C, and he could not speak privately with her there.

 

At noon, Lennier returned to Delenn's quarters. There were some papers scattered about, but he could not tell if she had managed to work on them. She looked even worse than she had that morning. He told her what he had found out; although at times it seemed she was barely aware he was in the room. He then tried in vain to convince her to eat something. Eventually he asked, "Have you decided what to do, Delenn? Is there anything we **can** do?"

 

She looked away, and said "I do not think so, Lennier. I think we must await events. I have made so many mistakes, I am afraid to do anything that might make things worse. We spoke, Lennier, this morning. It must have been after he left Anna with Stephen. He is very angry, " she said sadly. "He has realized that I misled him, and so I have lost his trust. I will do my work, and wait."

 

"Then let us attend to the trade agreements we must discuss this afternoon. I will find the relevant files." replied Lennier.

 

After a moderately productive session, Lennier and Delenn left for the trade delegation meeting. As they waited for the conference room to become available for their meeting, they chatted with Londo, who would also be in attendance. Delenn was distracted, anxious, and unhappy; but appeared outwardly calm. Those who knew her well would have seen the tension in the way she held herself. Looking down the hall, Lennier saw Anna Sheridan coming towards them. He touched Delenn's sleeve and discreetly nodded towards the approaching woman. Anna stopped in front of them, and said with a smile, "Hullo, Delenn. Won't you introduce me to your friends?"

 

Londo looked appreciatively at the slim red-headed human in front of him. “Yes, Delenn, introduce us!”

 

Delenn’s diplomatic training came to her rescue as she said “Ambassador Londo Mollari of the Centauri Republic, may I present Anna Sheridan. Mrs. Sheridan, may I present Ambassador Mollari.”

 

“Sheridan? Are you by chance related to our good Captain Sheridan?” asked Londo.

 

“Yes, I’m John’s wife,” Anna replied sweetly, with a swift spiteful glance at Delenn, who visibly flinched.

 

Only years of diplomatic practice kept the astonishment from showing in Londo’s face. He had been told that Captain Sheridan was a widower; that his wife had died in a tragic accident, on a ship exploring out on the Rim. He vowed inwardly to find the Centauri intelligence officer who had written that report, and make sure he understood the difference between alive and dead. If necessary, he would ensure the man understood it personally.

 

“And this is my assistant Lennier. Lennier, Mrs. Sheridan,” Delenn added, unsteadily.

 

“I believe I saw you earlier in the MedLab, Mr. Lennier,” said Anna.

 

“I sometimes suffer from headaches that do not respond to traditional Minbari remedies, Mrs. Sheridan,” Lennier smoothly replied. “Dr. Franklin is always happy to provide me with medication at such times.”

 

“What brings you to Babylon 5, Mrs. Sheridan, may I ask? And where has the good Captain been hiding you, hmmm?” asked Londo.

 

“Oh, I’m just passing through, Ambassador. It was quite a surprise to poor John when I showed up quite late last night. In fact, he was still working. At least I assume that’s what he was doing. Delenn was there in fact, weren’t you, Delenn? What was it you were working on again?” said Anna.

 

Delenn blanched, then blushed deeply, as she struggled to find a response. Lennier intervened, “I believe it was another border dispute between the Gaim and the Vree, was it not, Delenn? They will not stop crossing into each other’s space.”

 

“Yes, that was it,” Delenn said gratefully. Londo looked at her appraisingly, with one raised eyebrow. The Gaim and the Vree did not share a border that he recalled.

 

“It was lucky I got in when I did, wasn’t it, Delenn? John was about to drop with fatigue, it seemed to me. It was time he got to bed, and I arrived just in time to tuck him in.” said Anna with a smile.

 

Delenn was beginning to get angry. “John and I work exceptionally well together,” she shot back, “but such important work as we do is often exhausting.”

 

“Well, he wasn’t *too* exhausted last night, thank goodness, “ Anna said smugly.

 

At the look on Delenn’s face, Londo and Lennier simultaneously stepped back, out of the line of fire. “I believe it is time for our meeting, Delenn, “ said Lennier nervously.

 

“Yes, I believe it is, “ said Delenn tensely. She was secretly glad to be leaving such an uncomfortable situation. She turned towards the conference room door.

 

“When will you be leaving us, Mrs. Sheridan?” asked Londo, also grateful the awkward conversation was coming to an end.

 

“John and I will be leaving very soon, Ambassador,” replied Anna.

 

“And where will you be going?” asked Londo curiously.

 

“Z’ha’dhum” said Anna, staring at Delenn’s stiffening back.

 

“What!” cried Delenn, as she turned to face Anna in horror, “You can’t take him there, you can’t, Anna! Please!” She grabbed Anna's arm, as if to hold her there.

 

Anna jerked her arm away, and then slapped Delenn’s face, scraping her cheek with her nails. “I can, and I will. Stay away from my husband, you treacherous bitch!” she said as she turned and walked away.

 

Lennier started after Anna, then turned to look at Delenn’s bleeding face in shock. “Delenn, you’re hurt!” he cried.

 

“Lennier, go into the conference room, and tell them the meeting has been delayed. Ambassador Delenn is indisposed.” Londo said as he took charge of the situation. “Come with me, Delenn.” Londo took her arm and walked swiftly toward the ambassadorial sector.

 

“Do you want to go to MedLab?” Londo asked her gently.

 

“No, please. I want to go back to my quarters,” Delenn said. She was visibly shaken.

 

“I won’t ask what that was about. Do you want me to contact Captain Sheridan for you?” asked Londo.

 

“No, “ she said softly, “No, I do not think he would come anyway. But thank you; I will not forget your kindness in this matter.” By some miracle, they had reached her quarters without further incident or encountering anyone.

 

Londo said, “Do you want me to stay with you a little while?”

 

Delenn smiled and pressed his arm, “No, Londo. I would like to be alone now. Thank you again.” With that, she entered her quarters, and the door slid shut behind her.

 

 

**Part II**

 

Delenn took stock of what had just happened. John was going to Z’ha’dhum with Anna. Kosh had told them both that if he went to Z’ha’dhum he would die. Could she possibly dissuade him, with things between them the way they were? Probably not. That morning he had been so angry. She had thought he might strike her. She’d almost wished he had, anything to relieve the guilt that threatened to consume her. And now she would indirectly be the cause of his death. She didn’t think she could bear it. She could leave a coded message for him; perhaps he would look at it before they left. Was there anyone else who could reach him—who could make him at least listen? Draal! Yes, that might work. At least he would be reminded of Kosh’s warning. Then, if he still went, and if he died, she would…. deal with that later. She went to the Babcom unit in her quarters, and asked to be connected to Ivanova in C&C.

 

“Ivanova here” came back the crisp tones of the Commander, “My God, Delenn, what happened to you?” Delenn had forgotten the scratches on her face.

 

“Nothing, a silly accident, Susan. I need your help to contact Draal.” said Delenn a little self-consciously.

 

“All right, I will get a connection set up, and route it to your quarters. It will take about 15 minutes, “ replied Susan, still staring at her face. “Ivanova out.”

 

Delenn debated how much to tell Draal. All of it, she decided. He had known her long enough to be non-judgmental. And he would need all the information she possessed if he was to persuade John to stay on Babylon 5. After she had spoken to Draal, she sat silently, alone in her quarters, awaiting his return. Finally he appeared before her.

 

“Delenn, he insists on going. I am sorry, child. Though there is something he is not telling me, something he has planned. But I could not change his mind.”

 

Delenn nodded; she knew John in his stubborn mood. Her mind sorted through other possibilities but it felt like she was hemmed in, fighting against the inevitable. She was beginning to feel as if all her work had been in vain. Perhaps all of this was never meant to be. Perhaps she was exaggerating the threat, or more likely, exaggerating her own role in what was coming. She was very tired of fighting. She was also tired of losing…battles, arguments, friends. She had lost her place in the world after her transformation. Every day was a lonely battle for acceptance. The only person who seemed to look at her as just Delenn was probably now lost to her forever.

 

“Draal” she began, “I will make one more attempt to change his mind. If I fail, I think I….I think I will need to get off this station for a little while. I cannot go to Minbar. My welcome there would be most uncertain. Could I visit you on Epsilon 3 for a little while?”

 

“Certainly! You would be most welcome! Give me an hour or so to get a place ready for you.” His holographic image turned to one side, “Zathras, come here! I will see you in a little while, Delenn. Zathras!” and he disappeared.

 

Delenn left two time-delayed messages; one for Lennier, and one for John Sheridan. She packed a bag, and left for the docking bay, alone. After she dropped her bag in her private flyer, and checked everything was ready to go, she headed for the Captain’s office. She was fatalistic about this last attempt to change John’s mind about leaving with Anna, but knew she had to try. One more time, and, if she failed, perhaps it would be the last time she would see him alive. She headed for Sheridan’s office.

 

Londo was standing outside that same office, wondering if it would be wise to interfere in whatever it was that was going on _._ Ah well, he thought to himself, might as well be hung for a…cat? A goose? What was the human expression? He hit the com button and asked for entry. "Come in, " he heard Sheridan say, and entered. Michael Garibaldi was just leaving, and nodded abstractly to Londo. What was wrong with Mr. Garibaldi, wondered Londo? He looked very grim, indeed.

 

Londo looked swiftly around to see if Anna Sheridan was in the office. When he saw she was not, he cleared his throat and said, "Captain, I met your oh-so-charming wife today. What a spitfire! Why have you kept her hidden from us this long, hmmm?" He wanted to get an idea how things stood between Sheridan and his wife before saying any more.

 

Sheridan looked up from the papers he was reading, and said in a tight voice, "Do you have something to say, Ambassador? I am very busy right now."

 

Londo hesitated, then said, "I was with Delenn today when your wife spoke with her, Captain. I have not always seen eye to eye with the Minbari Ambassador, but I do not believe she deserves public ridicule in this fashion…"

 

Sheridan interrupted, "I will deal with my wife, and Ambassador Delenn, in my own way, Londo. It is none of your business!"

 

Londo continued, "But Captain, I must protest! Mrs. Sheridan attacked Delenn, physically—surely you see this is not acceptable!" He paused, then continued quietly and deliberately, "Captain, I have made some bad choices in my life. I am asking you to consider the choices you are making."

 

Sheridan looked up, surprised, then schooled his face and replied, "I will give your advice all the consideration it deserves, Ambassador. Good day to you!"

 

Londo sighed, and turned to leave. Delenn was framed in the doorway. She smiled at him, albeit sadly, and said "Thank you, Londo. But please, leave us alone for a moment."

 

Delenn entered slowly, sifting through various ways to make her plea to the seemingly implacable man sitting in front of her; the human she had called friend, and had thought might become much more. Finally, she spoke, "Captain Sheridan, I will ask you this twice. Once, as ambassador, and representative of the race that co-sponsors this station, and currently protects it. I ask you to stay, and do your duty by Babylon 5. I still believe you will be needed in the great battle that is to come. Do not go to Z'ha'dhum."

 

Her strained, white face, still marred with the scratches she had left untended, and her stiff body made her plea much more eloquently than any words. Sheridan had to hold himself perfectly still to keep from catching her up in his arms and never letting her go. He was shaken and angered by the still bleeding marks on her face. Had Anna really done that? Sheridan remained silent for a moment, then answered, "I am responsible only to my own conscience, Ambassador. I will go where I feel my duty lies."

 

She considered his reply--was it duty that drove him? What duty could be served by his dying at Z'ha'dhum? She looked directly in his eyes, then said "I will ask you again as Delenn, your friend and…ally." She swallowed hard, and continued. "Please do not go, John. Please."

 

Sheridan looked away. The longing and fear in her eyes was too hard to watch. He had not wanted to see her again, as he was afraid he would not be able to leave her if he did. The connection between them had grown so strong, it was hard to break away, to do what he had to do. He tried to keep in mind how she had lied to him; about Anna of all things! Whatever Anna had become, she was his wife, and he owed her more consideration than anyone else. "I must go, Delenn. I can’t explain any more now, but there are reasons I feel it is necessary." He turned away, and said, “I have a lot of work to do before I go. Thank you for coming.”

 

Crossing the room quickly, Delenn knelt in front of his chair. "Shall I beg you then? If it would stop you, I will. Stay here, John. Stay here with Anna! I will leave, return to Minbar. I can continue the fight from there! I…" she broke off as a sob escaped her. She placed her hands gently on either side of his face, and said "What can I do or say? Is there anything left between us that will move you now to save yourself?"

 

"What's going on here?" Susan stood in the doorway, open-mouthed, shocked at the picture before her.

 

Delenn’s innate dignity reasserted itself. She rose slowly, smoothed her robes, and faced Sheridan. "I will not ask you again, Captain. Good luck in your journey." She touched her heart with her right hand, and extended her left, palm outwards, towards Sheridan. She then turned towards the door. "Good day, Susan" she acknowledged, bowing slightly as she passed through the doorway.

 

Susan shook her head. "What in hell is going on, John? What journey? Where is Delenn going? Does this have something to do with your wife arriving here out of the blue?" Her voice rose until she was almost shouting at him.

 

Sheridan just sat there, staring ahead with clenched jaw, but saying nothing, until Susan turned on her heel, and hurried after Delenn. She caught up with her at the elevator. Delenn smiled wanly, and said "I tried my best, Susan, I really did. I'm only sorry I didn't trust him with my doubts about Anna's 'death' in the first place. I do not believe this is a good decision, but it seems to have been made."

 

Susan exploded. "What decision? Where is he going? Is Anna for real? Where the hell has she been all these years? Where are you going for that matter? I saw you'd logged a flight plan with C&C!"

 

"I am just going down to Epsilon 3 to visit Draal for a while, " Delenn replied. "I am not very comfortable here right now. Too many people have seen too much. And I must decide how to proceed with John gone." Her voice caught, "He is going to Z'ha'dhum. I do not believe he will return." Her voice lowered to a whisper, "And, in any case, he will not return to me."

 

The door opened, and she entered. "Good-bye for now, Susan." She looked around at the station she called home. "Take good care of Babylon 5."

 

 

**Part III**

 

Lennier was not happy that Delenn had left the station to visit Draal on the planet below. She had much work to do, and he felt she was letting the situation with Sheridan interfere with her responsibilities. She had left instructions in a time-delayed message for him, and he was going to her quarters to fetch some items she had completed before she left, which needed to be delivered to various members of the League of Non-Aligned Worlds. A blinking light on the Babcom told him she had gotten a message. It was not coded, so when he accepted it, the time-delayed message from Captain Sheridan for Delenn began to play. Lennier could not stop listening, although he knew he should. He hesitated, then hit “save” at the end of the message. He would decide later whether it would be best to delete it before Delenn saw it. It didn’t really matter, he supposed. Rumor had it that there had been a nuclear explosion on Z’ha’dhum, and it seemed the Captain would not be returning. It would upset her to no purpose, in his opinion.

 

Draal had broken the news of the explosion to Delenn. He was surprised to see her faintly smile. “Don’t you see,” she told Draal, “He was attempting an attack on their homeworld. That is what he meant by duty, I suppose.”

 

“Delenn, it is unlikely he survived the explosion. It seems to have destroyed their largest city.” said Draal gently.

 

Delenn looked uncomprehending for a moment. Then she smiled again and said, “He is not dead. I would feel it if he was. However it is between he and Anna, we share a soul. I knew that from the first moment I saw him. I do not know if he will ever return, and I do not expect to ever see him again, but I would know if he was dead.”

 

Draal was unsure how to react to Delenn’s serenity in the face of what seemed incontrovertible evidence that John Sheridan had died in a noble, if quioxitic, attempt to take the battle to the Shadows’ homeworld. He suspected she would never accept his death without proof, and given the nature of his death, proof seemed unlikely to be obtained. He decided to visit Commander Ivanova on Babylon 5, and see how the humans were dealing with this. Perhaps that would give him some insight into how to reach Delenn. She would have to go back to the station eventually, and face those whose beliefs did not mirror her own.

 

Draal appeared in C&C, and preemptorily said to Ivanova, “Commander, we need to talk! Privately,” he added as he looked around at the gaping crewmembers.

 

She replied wearily, “Why not? Step, well come, into the Captain’s private office, Draal.” Once inside, Ivanova listened to Draal’s description of Delenn’s apparent state of denial. “What do you think I am, a psychoanalyst? Maybe you should talk to Dr. Franklin,” she suggested, “This is way beyond me.” Then she hesitated, seeming to re-think the situation, “Besides, what if she’s right? If there is even a slight chance he survived, we should mount a rescue mission. Lyta Alexander came by my quarters last night with a wild suggestion that she might be ‘sensitive’ to Sheridan, and would sense his presence if we got her close enough to the planet. Would Delenn be up for that?”

 

“I will suggest it, Commander,” said Draal approvingly. “It is an excellent idea!” And he disappeared. After a moment, he reappeared. “She is contacting Lennier to get a White Star ready for the trip. Shall we say two standard hours?”

 

“Better make it three. I have to find Lyta, and arrange for someone to watch the store.” answered Ivanova.

 

“What store?” muttered Draal, as Susan hurriedly left the room.

 

**************************************

 

As the White Star was hurtling towards Z’ha’dhum, Delenn was attempting to meditate. Susan had told Delenn of Franklin’s discovery that Anna had been altered by the Shadows, and that John had known of this. In all likelihood, Anna had been sent to Babylon 5 purposefully to lure him to Z’ha’dhum. Then why did he go? Was it just to attempt an attack on the planet? Perhap he still hoped to restore Anna with their help? She had admitted her love to John, and he had not answered. She assumed that meant he did not share her feelings. She felt ill-at-ease and more unhappy than she had thought possible. It was obvious to her from Susan’s demeanour, and from the way all the others treated her that they all believed John was dead. She had thought she had her feelings under control, but the meditation wasn’t working anymore. She didn’t know what ritual she could perform that would help. She tried once more to focus, and to calm her mind.

 

It only took a few days to reach the planet. The viewscreen of the White Star showed clearly the devastation wrought by the atomic bombs that exploded when they impacted the city below. Delenn stared in horror at the scene. No one could have survived this! How had she ever thought it possible? She and Lyta tried to contact John telepathically, while Susan and Lennier called to him over and over using all the communications technology of the Vorlon-Minbari ship. There was no answer. She left the bridge, moving slowly through this new world of pain, trying not to feel the pity in the looks she received. She knew now there would never be any answer.

 

On the way back to Babylon 5, Delenn came to a decision. They had to act while the Shadows were on the defensive. Without John, she was unsure she would have any allies from the League worlds. But she had the Rangers. They were under her command; and the White Star fleet was now under her sole command. Valen had prophesied that the defeat of the Shadows would be brought about by an alliance between humans and Minbari. Perhaps he had only meant the Rangers rather than the grand alliance she and John had been working towards. She asked Lennier to send out the call to bring all Rangers and their ships together at Babylon 5. She had an announcement to make.

 

Once back, she met with the Rangers who had made it to the station, and broadcast her message to those still in transit. They were going to take the battle to the Enemy. They would need a few days to prepare for the assault on Z’ha’dhum. It was still possible some League ships would join her in her mission. Two of the Minbari ships protecting Babylon 5 would come with her as well; two would remain to protect the station, along with a few of the White Stars. The Rangers were with her; she had to promise them that they would 'draw straws', a human custom, to determine who would be ‘unlucky’ enough to have to stay. They all demanded the right to follow her into hell. They would talk of this battle for a thousand years, if anyone survived to tell of it.

 

A few days later, Lennier called Delenn in her quarters. “There is a meeting in the Zocalo, Delenn. I believe some of the ambassadors are speaking against your project. They seem to believe the Shadows will fall upon their homeworlds, and Babylon 5, in retribution when you fail.”

 

Delenn sighed, “What do they suppose the Shadows will do if we do nothing?”

 

“They are afraid. It is understandable, if regrettable.” replied Lennier.

 

“I am also afraid. Yet I act as I must, because I must,” answered Delenn sharply.

 

“Delenn…they believe you act out of grief and loss. That you are acting irrationally. That perhaps you no longer fear death, but would welcome it.” answered Lennier. There was a questioning tone in his voice. He had wondered himself at Delenn’s martial ardor. She was generally all for peace; a gentle, philosophical, religious soul. The only other time he had seen her like this was after she had broken the Grey Council, and brought Minbari warships to defend Babylon 5. Uncomfortably he realized that she was acting to protect Sheridan in that instance as well. He had still not told her of the Captain’s last message to her. That secret was beginning to wear on him, but he could not decide whether it would distract her from her mission, or confirm her in it. He decided he would let her know before they left for Z’ha’dhum. If he died in the battle, he did not want the omission on his conscience. “Are you coming to speak to them, Delenn?” queried Lennier.

 

“I suppose it is necessary,” answered Delenn with a sigh. She logged off, and turned to the piles of paper scattered around the room. She still had many details to go over. She was using some of the war plans she and John had worked on before he had left. They had often worked late into the night, and she had sometimes caught him looking at her, with a small smile on his lips. Occasionally their hands would brush each others’ as they both reached for the same piece of paper. Her thoughts began the interminable spiral she was growing used to, trying to decipher the motivations of someone who could no longer be questioned. John had kissed her on the White Star—surely she was not mistaken in what a kiss meant between humans? Could ‘friends’ share a kiss such as that? He had told her he couldn’t imagine his world without her in it. That had seemed a serious declaration. At the time she had felt the same. Yet here she was, existing in a world without John Sheridan in it. Perhaps the intensity of the experience was only on her side. She may have misunderstood what she thought was a growing affection. It was possible their cultures were too different for her to appreciate subtleties in relationships. Perhaps there had been something there, but the reappearance of his wife destroyed it--or the knowledge of her betrayal. Maybe only friendship and a sense of shared mission lay behind the many looks and gestures. The doubts gnawed at her confidence and shook her assurance in her chosen path. She shook her head. She would never know. And she had more important things to think about…including a speech in the Zocalo apparently.

 

Delenn climbed the stairs to the balcony from which the Drazi and other ambassadors were addressing the crowd. The crowd quieted as they saw her. She waited until there was silence in the hall. She began by telling them of the history of the Shadows, as she had been taught in temple and from her reading of the records of the Grey Council and the religious caste. She told them of the war one thousand years ago, when the Shadows fought the combined forces of the Minbari and the Vorlons. How the Shadows had almost won. She told them that the Shadows worked through other people, other races; twisting passions and desires to dark and horrible ends. She told them they were not unstoppable, but that it would take all their strength, and all their combined will to stand against the dark. The crowd began to murmur; the other ambassadors began to shout her down. She was losing the crowd; they were impatient and frightened. A few fights began to break out. The other ambassadors were arguing, some pushing her, others shaking their fists in her face. She saw Lennier fighting through the crowd, trying to reach the stairs to help her.

 

Suddenly, the crowd at the back of the hall began to part. Station security had entered, and forming a wedge, they pushed forward towards the center of the room. They were surrounding a tall alien, a race she had never before seen, and….one other figure. Delenn’s vision blurred as tears filled her eyes. It was John. It was impossible, but there he was, striding to the center of the gathered crowd. People fell back in awe and confusion. A hush fell over the room, and he began to speak. He told them her fleet was just the beginning, and called for them all to work together to defeat the Shadows. He told them he had been to Z’ha’dhum, killed many of the enemy, and returned; as no one in history had ever done before. His ringing rhetoric filled the hall. The crowd began to clap and cheer and call his name. He looked up, straight into her eyes, and smiled his dazzling smile. She didn’t know what she should do, but she knew she had to go to him. She practically flew down the stairs, passing Lennier without a word. She couldn’t get through the crowd, but John had seen her, and pushed his way to her. He put his arm around her, and led her away from the hall.

 

John held tight to her waist as he guided her down the corridor, and into the tube leading to command level. He quickly moved down the hall towards his office, told security to wait, and pulled her inside, shutting the door behind him. He held her close, whispering her name in her ear, kissing her hair, over and over. “I love you. I’ll never leave you.” She didn’t know what to think or what she felt. She had thought he still loved Anna; that he did not love her. Surrendering to her feelings, she melted into his arms, crying his name through her tears, stroking his face over and over, trying to convince herself he was really there. The mixture of pleasure and pain was intense, and she still couldn’t believe what was happening. Finally, she pushed him back, and asked “John, what happened? How did you get here?”

 

He answered her with a kiss so deep she thought she would faint from lack of air before he stopped. Not that she wanted him to stop. “I love you Delenn. I’ll never leave you, “ he repeated. She wanted to ask about Anna, and the explosion, but he kissed her again and she forgot everything in that moment except *John and Delenn*. That was the whole universe, and wide and deep enough for her.

 

**Part IV**

 

Lennier was in a panic. Sheridan had returned, and from the look on Delenn’s face, her feelings for him had not abated. For that matter, the look on the Captain’s face was eloquent as well. It was obvious they loved one another. He worried how would she react when she found he had not given her Sheridan’s message. She might lose trust in him, or send him away. He had bound himself to her, and could not picture himself other than in her service. He lingered outside Sheridan’s office, determined to confess his actions as soon as she emerged.

 

John staggered against Delenn, and she caught him as he was about to fall over. She managed to lower him into a chair, panicked, and asked “What’s wrong? What is it?”

 

John smiled faintly, and said, “Would you mind seeing if Lorien is outside?”

 

“Who is Lorien? The alien that came into the Zocolo with you?” answered Delenn. “Why do you need him here? What is happening, John?”

 

“Just get him, Delenn, please!” John pleaded.

 

She fled to the door, calling “Open” as she ran. Two security guards were stationed outside per Mr. Allan’s orders. “The Captain needs to see the alien called Lorien,” she commanded, “Immediately!” One of the guards spoke into his link, then told her that Lorien was nearby, and on his way.

 

Lennier was about to speak, but Delenn, without seeing he was there, turned and ran back inside the room. Later, he thought, much later, and left to wait for her in her quarters.

 

When Lorien arrived, John ordered, not asked but ordered, Delenn to leave him alone with the alien. He told her there would be a meeting in the conference room in a little while, and asked her to gather the War Council. She tried to hide the hurt in her eyes, but left as he requested. She lingered at the door, and saw Lorien place his hands on John’s chest. It worried her.

 

She contacted Susan, Marcus, and the others, and the meeting was set for an hour from then. Delenn finished making the calls, and decided to return to her quarters to try and calm herself before seeing John again. Her mind was awhirl. He loved her-- but why hadn’t he told her before he left? She couldn’t be mistaken this time, he had made his feelings perfectly clear. She smiled at the memory. So she hadn’t been wrong in her interpretation of previous events! Her doubts assauged, she entered her quarters to find Lennier waiting, somber and a little apprehensive.

 

“What’s wrong?” asked Delenn. Her aide seemed apprehensive and ill at ease.

 

“I have something to confess, “ said Lennier, looking at the floor. Delenn waited patiently for him to continue. Obviously something was bothering him badly.

 

“The Captain left a message for you before he left for Z’ha’dhum with his wife. You were on Epsilon 3, and I noticed the light and checked for messages…it wasn’t pass-coded. It never occurred to me it was personal!” Lennier was looking hard at the floor. He continued, “I saved the message. I was going to tell you about it..”

 

“When?” Delenn interrupted, her voice tight with unspoken anger. How could he have kept this from her? “All right, let us look at this message.”

 

“I’ll leave,” mumbled Lennier.

 

“Why?” Delenn said, “You’ve seen it already, haven’t you?”

 

The message began to play “By the time you get this message, I’ll be on Z’ha’dhum, with Anna..” and they both watched until the final words “I love you Delenn. Good-bye.”

 

Delenn looked at Lennier as if she had never seen him before, like she wasn’t sure who he was anymore. “You kept this from me?” she asked “Why?”

 

“When I received the message, word had already come about the explosion on Z’ha’dhum. Everyone said the Captain was dead. It didn’t seem….relevant.” muttered Lennier.

 

“Relevant,” she said flatly. “Please leave me now. I will see you at the War Council meeting.”

 

“Delenn, “ Lennier said a little frantically, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize… I didn’t know…”

 

“Go now” she replied, her voice cracking.

 

Delenn did not appear at the War Council meeting. They waited a little while, then Sheridan began the story of the Shadows and the Vorlons that he had learned from Lorien. They were interupted by Susan and Lyta, with their horrible story of how the war was starting to go very, very wrong. As the meeting adjourned, Sheridan called Lennier aside and demanded “Where’s Delenn?”

 

“She said she would meet me here, Captain. I left her in her quarters.” replied Lennier.

 

They looked at each other, and began to hurry towards the ambassador’s rooms.

When they got there, they saw Zach Allan and another security guard outside the room. “What’s going on, Zach?” asked Sheridan breathlessly.

 

“Don’t know, Captain. We got a report of noises, breaking glass and such. The ambassador’s in there, she answers the com, but just says she’s all right, and wants to be left alone.” answered Zach. “By the way, good to have you back, sir!”

 

“Thanks, Zach, it’s good to be back.” the Captain grinned, then took Lennier aside. “Do you have any idea what this is all about?”

 

“I’m afraid I might, Captain,” answered Lennier. He pulled Sheridan further down the corridor out of earshot of Zach and the other guard. They heard another crash, and the tinkle of broken glass from inside Delenn’s quarters.

 

“So what has her so upset?” he queried, “I guess I thought she’d be relieved I got back okay. What did I miss?”

 

“Captain, Delenn never got your message, the one you left for her before you left,” confessed Lennier, his eyes downcast. “I intercepted it while she was on Epsilon 3, and well, never told her about it. I showed it to her today..” he admitted. “She was more upset that I expected. I am accustomed to screening her messages, after all, and..”

 

“Well, the only way to find out what’s wrong is to ask her, I guess,” replied Sheridan, as he turned back to the door. Under his breath, he muttered, “Once more unto the breach, dear friends…”

 

“What, Captain?” asked Zach, confused by the reference.

 

“Nothing, Zach.” said Sheridan with a tired smile. He hit the com button and said “Delenn, it’s John. Let me in.”

 

“Just you, John. I don’t want to see anyone else.” she replied, then “Open.”

 

He came in and saw what looked like a disaster area. Delenn was pacing back and forth like a caged animal, and anything that got in her way, got overturned or pushed aside. She seemed to be looking for something, pulling out drawers, and upending containers.

She came up to him and asked him the last thing he expected. “John, I need some scissors!”

 

“Scissors,” John replied, a little stunned by the mess and her belligerent attitude. She’d obviously been crying, but was also furious about something, and frightened underneath it all.

 

“Yes, scissors. I want to cut off my hair. I don’t like it anymore. I want it to be gone.” replied Delenn defiantly.

 

“But I love your hair,” replied John confusedly, “What is this all about?”

 

Delenn paused in her frantic movements. She collapsed onto a low couch, bent over as if in pain, holding her head in her hands, and started to sob. “I want to go back. I want to go back to what I was. I can’t do this anymore.”

 

“What are you saying?” John sat gently beside her. “Back where?”

 

“Not where, who!” she almost snarled. “I want to go back to being Minbari.”

 

John sat stunned for a moment. As Delenn looked at his pained face, her anger subsided. She tearfully said, “I know it’s not possible. It’s not your fault. I made a choice and now I regret it. The responsibility is mine.”

 

“But why? Do you wish we had never…are you regretting our feelings for one another?” he asked almost fearfully.

 

She sighed and said, “Let me try to help you understand. I have the mind, the training, of a Minbari. I have the body of a human, and the emotions of both. I feel like I’m lost in a, what is it called? John, when you destroyed the Black Star, you put small bombs in asteroids, you called it a…”

 

“Minefield,” he said grimly. Delenn knew he never liked being reminded of his ‘heroic’ act.

 

“Yes, minefield. Did Lennier tell you he withheld your message from me?” asked Delenn.

 

“Yes, he did, and I could understand why you would be upset. Why would he do such a thing? Withholding information you might want or need to know…” his voice tailed off as he realized what he was saying.

 

Delenn nodded sadly, “You are beginning to see. I became angry with Lennier for doing the same thing I had done to you. It is very Minbari, selecting which facts to give, and which to omit. I had a human emotional reaction to his act; I felt he had deceived me, yet in Minbari terms he did not. Omission of truths is not the same as commission of untruths to us. It is a known fact, is it not? Minbari never tell the whole truth. When I withheld the information about Anna— I was acting typically Minbari. But you accused me of deceiving you; and I felt the truth of your accusation. Then I did not get your message before you left, and have spent the last few weeks second guessing every word, every look that passed between us; deciding I had misinterpreted your feelings. Now I know I did not! That should make me feel better, but I am still full of doubt. I am afraid all the time. I no longer know what to think, how to act, how to react! What am I?”

 

John sat down beside her, and took her trembling hands in his own. He looked into her tear-stained face, and shook his head. “Someone told me once that the universe made us the way we are for a reason. You are unique, as we are all unique. The categories are only shortcuts, easy ways to put people into boxes. You show us that the boxes have no sides, that we can jump in and out of them.What are you? You are Delenn. You told Sebastian that once, and it’s as true now as it was then. You need time to learn the emotional cues and body language of humanity,” he leaned over and kissed her gently. “I’ll help you with the body language.” He smiled and continued, “You can do anything you put your mind to. I have faith in you, and you told me once, faith manages.”

 

She smiled tentatively, touched his face, then moved closer into his encircling arms. “At least I know I will be with someone who is experienced with negotiating minefields,” she said.

 

“You bet,” replied John, looking down on her with a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> This is what I wrote for the introduction to this story back in 2007.
> 
> I had some basic reasons to write this story. 1) I wanted to see Delenn and Anna slug it out. It didn’t work out quite that way, but at least they had a confrontation. 2) I wanted to skip the self-sacrifice part, and go straight to the ‘trying to fly’ part. 3) I wanted to set up a reason Delenn would hug Londo in Season 5 when she finds out she hasn’t sent Lennier to his death. 4) I wanted Delenn to have someone to turn to, and Draal seemed the obvious choice. I never understood why she didn’t visit him more often. And 5) I wanted to see a kiss, a really good one, in the reunion scene.


End file.
